PROFESSOR KELP’S SUMMER CHEMISTRY TEST

aka PROFESSOR JULIUS KELP’S ENDLESS SUMMER CHEMISTRY TEST

originally posted
JULY 02, 2006
[old stuff from the now gone "Refined Picture Show" blogspot]






1) DOES FILM BEST TELL 

THE TRUTH (GODARD) OR 

TELL LIES (DE PALMA) 

@ 24 FRAMES PER SECOND? 
I feel like all art ends up accidentally telling the truth. 

So-- Godard

but not Gary Goddard! 

2) IDEAL PAIRING OF ACTORS / 

ACTRESSES TO PLAY ON-SCREEN 

SIBLINGS
Emily Watson and Rachel Griffiths in 

HILARY AND JACKIE (1998)

the best pairing that hasn't been done yet is 

Michael Stuhlbarg and Joaquin Phoenix

3) 

FAVORITE SPECIAL 

FX MOMENT
The head separating from the body, falling off the table, 

& sprouting legs in THE THING (1982)

4) MATT DAMON 

    OR GEORGE CLOONEY?
Mr. Damon all the way

5) WHAT IS THE MOVIE YOU'VE 

ENCOURAGED MORE PEOPLE TO 

SEE THAN ANY OTHER?
From about 1999 to 2002 it was always MAGNOLIA, but 

then I discovered GEORGE WASHINGTON, and I've been 

evangelizing for it most since then. It's a significantly 

smaller film and needs more attention and love

6) 

FAVORITE FILM OF 1934
Vigo's L'ATALANTE

7) 

FAVORITE MOVIE THEATER*
It's still the Angelika Dallas at Mockingbird Station

8) JEAN ARTHUR 

    OR IRENE DUNNE?
As of right now, Jean

9) FAVORITE FILM 

     MADE FOR CHILDREN
SNOW WHITE & THE SEVEN DWARFS (1937)

10) 

FAVORITE SCORSESE MOVIE
GOODFELLAS (1990)

11) 

FAVORITE FILM ABOUT CHILDREN
E.T.: THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL

12) 

FAVORITE FILM OF 1954
Nicholas Ray's JOHNNY GUITAR

13) FAVORITE SCREENPLAY 

WRITTEN BY A WRITER MORE 

FAMOUS FOR LITERATURE 

THAN SCREENPLAYS
I love Michael Crichton's screenplay for WESTWORLD (1973). 

Post-THE MATRIX (1999) I think it could be re-tooled & 

updated in a cool way. Especially to reflect our gaming and 

social networking times

14) WALTER MATTHAU 

         OR JACK LEMMON?
Matthau

even though Lemmon is probably a greater actor.

15) FAVORITE 

     CHARACTER NAME
Speaking of Walter Matthau;
"Charley Varrick" is my favorite name from all cinema. 

Even better name than "Dixon Steele" from 

IN A LONELY PLACE (1950)

16) FAVORITE SCREENPLAY 

ADAPTED FROM A WORK 

OF GREAT LITERATURE, 

EITHER BY THE AUTHOR HIMSELF 

OR BY SOMEONE ELSE
Kubrick & Nabokov's screenplay 

for LOLITA (1962)

It's different in so many ways from the book while 

retaining its core themes & atmosphere.

17) 

FAVORITE FILM OF 1974
THE GODFATHER: PART II

18) JOAN SEVERANCE 

   OR SHANNON TWEED?
That's a tough one. Both so charismatic & lovely... 

I'll go with Joan

19) JACKASS: THE MOVIE-- 

         YES OR NO?
Si. very mucho. Tramaine, please make these gems forever!

20) FAVORITE 

   CASSAVETES MOVIE
Of what I've seen, KILLING OF A CHINESE BOOKIE 

21) FIRST R-RATED MOVIE 

YOU EVER SAW

at the theatre it was ALIEN 3. And don't think 

I had even started elementary school yet. 

haha. I don't know why my Dad thought 

it was a good idea to take a kid to see that.

22) FAVORITE X-RATED FILM 

(REMEMBER THAT, WHILE YOU 

ANSWER MAY WELL BE A FAMOUS 

OR NOT-SO-FAMOUSE HARDCORE 

FILM, THE "X" RATING WAS ONCE 

ALSO A LEGITIMATE RATING THAT 

DID NOT NECESSARILY CONNOTE 

PORNOGRAPHY)
original cut of Verhoeven's ROBOCOP 

You know you were hardcore if you got an X for 

violence during the Reagan years.

23) BEST FILM OF 1994
Tim Burton's ED WOOD

24) DESCRIBE A MOMENT 

IN A MOVIE THAT MADE 

YOU WEEP
The big cathartic goodbye on the fire escape in IN AMERICA 

(2003). My sister and I balled like babies in the theater & I really 

don't care who knows it. If you don't at least get choked up 

during that movie you probably don't have a soul.

25) EWAN MCGREGOR 

       OR EWEN BREMNER?
I love both Renton and Spud!.. However, Ewen Bremner is one 

of the most unique & unusual looking people to ever grace film. 

You could make an entire silent movie about him wandering 

around aimless & he'd make it fascinating

26) ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE 

LINE READINGS (NOT 

NECESSARILY ONE OF YOUR 

FAVORITE LINES) FROM THIS 

OR ANY YEAR
Albert Finney reminding Caspar of his place in 

MILLER'S CROSSING (1990). Hehe. It's so ruthless & perfect.
"Johnny, you're exactly as big as I let you 

be, and no bigger, and don't forget it, ever."

27) WHAT, IF ANY, ELEMENT IN A 

FILM, UPON YOUR HEARING OF 

ITS INCLUSION BEFOREHAND, 

WOULD MOST LIKELY PREJUDICE 

YOU AGAINST SEEING THAT FILM 

OR KEEPING AN OPEN MIND ABOUT 

IT?
If I know beforehand a movie is produced by one of 

these "Christian media" companies it will be hard for 

me to judge it fairly.. Just being honest. It would have 

to be one charming & impeccably crafted flick for me 

to overlook that aspect

If I read about a movie having a troubled production history or 

lots of studio interference, I try to be more forgiving. But 

ultimately one can only judge what is on the screen. Not what 

was 'supposed to be' on the screen.

28) 

FAVORITE TERRY GILLIAM
BRRAAAAAAAZZZIIIIIIIILL!!!

29) JEAN SMART 

       OR ANNIE POTTS?
I'm sorry, Annie, but I go with Jean Smart

30) IS IT POSSIBLE TO KNOW WITH 

ANY CERTAINTY IF YOU COULD 

LIKE OR LOVE SOMEONE BASED 

PARTIALLY ON THEIR TASTE IN 

MOVIES? IF SO, WHAT FILM MIGHT 

BE POTENTIAL RELATIONSHIP 

DEAL-BREAKER FOR YOU, OR THE 

ONE THAT MIGHT JUST SEAL 

THE DEAL?
I might like someone based on their movie 

taste but not "love" them. HA! If someone 

exclusively liked modern Rom-coms and wasn't 

open to anything else, there would be no chance 

for us. Being closed minded in general is a 

deal breaker. If a gal loves Cronenberg or 

Howard Hawks she definitely has a chance