VAN HELSING’S SPRING-BREAK MOVIE QUIZ

aka PROFESSOR VAN HELSING’S JUST-BEFORE-SUNRISE WOODEN-STAKE-THROUGH-SPRING-BREAK MOVIE QUIZ


originally posted
APRIL 09, 2006
(old stuff from the now gone "Refined Picture Show" blogspot)


Another great quiz by Dennis Cozzalio.

1) WHAT FILM MADE YOU 

ANGRY, EITHER WHILE 

WATCHING IT OR IN THINKING 

ABOUT IT AFTERWARD
After I saw MOOLAADE (2004) I was so angry I 

could've spit. The idea of these religious heretics 

mutilating little girls & brainwashing others to do 

likewise... It angried up my blood somethin' fierce. 

It's upsetting to realize there are places & households 

in this world literally stuck in the fucking dark ages. 

The film's topic got me grumpy all over again just 

thinking about it now!

Kudos to the filmmakers for holding up a mirror to 

that cultural barbarism. Truly art as activism at its 

best. (Though, to shield my own heart, I will 

personally never watch it again) .. As a species we've 

got to move beyond religious dogma & superstition. 

Education & more open spirituality is the best cure 

we have moving forward.

The last movie that made me angry at myself for 

buying a ticket was V FOR VENDETTA.. Yet another 

mediocre adaptation of a great Alan Moore book. I'm 

starting to think maybe he just doesn't translate well 

to film

2) FAVORITE SIDEKICK
"Short Round" in both TEMPLE OF DOOM (1984) 

and THE STEEL HELMET (1951). Those kids seem like 

the best friends you could possibly have growing up.

3) ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE 

MOVIE LINES
I know it's technically from a play, but I love the following 

line from SUNSHINE BOYS (1975). Referring to an old singer 

who has just died, Walter Matthau says:
 "You know what kind of songs he wrote?.. Shit! 
Lady Lady, Be My Baby?! "LADY" RHYMES 

WITH "BABY"! (laughs).. 
               No wonder he's dead."

4) WILLIAM HOLDEN 

    OR BURT LANCASTER?
Burt.. No ifs, ands, or burts.

5) DESCRIBE A PERFECT 

MOMENT IN A MOVIE

Too many to name honestly. The first two I 

immediately think of are the "Beyond the Infinite" 

part of 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968) and the 

gun duel at the finale of THE GOOD THE BAD 

AND THE UGLY (1966)

[I eventually did an entire series on this topic here]

6) 

FAVORITE JOHN FORD MOVIE

MY DARLING CLEMENTINE

7) THE INVERSE OF A QUESTION FROM 

THE LAST QUIZ: WHAT FILM ARTIST 

(DIRECTOR, ACTOR, SCREENWRITER, 

ETC.) HAS THE LEAST-DESERVED 

GOOD REPUTATION? ARTISTICALLY 

SPEAKING. AND WHO WOULD 

YOU REPLACE HIM/HER WITH 

ON THAT PEDESTAL?
I feel like Armond White answering this, 

but i'm gonna anywayz gosh darn it.

As far as directors go, I think Len Wiseman sucks. 

Everyone I work with loves his UNDERWORLD movies. 

Paul W.S. Anderson works in the same action realm 

far better. & Everything Paul makes doesn't feel like

 a MATRIX ripoff.

Also Paul Haggis who just won an Oscar. 

He's no bueno. Give me Paul Thomas Anderson instead.

as for actors; it's gotta be Chuck Norris & Steven Seagal. 

Even when they were young they've always just been 

dull Clint Eastwood wannabes. The best remedy to 

them was the late Brandon Lee, + Keanu, Mark 

Dacascos & Vin Diesel.

And Seth Macfarlane is an overrated writer. I like his 

work as a voice actor & I'm sure he's a good guy in real 

life, he's just not that funny or imaginative to me. 

A far greater voice in the world of comedy is Judd Apatow.

8) BARBARA STANWYCK 

            OR IDA LUPINO?
I like Lupino more as a film director 

& Stanwyck more as an actress.

9) 

SHOWGIRLS-- YES OR NO?
Very much Yes. I'm a big Verhoeven fan 

and that is his most misunderstood.

10) 

MOST EXOTIC OR OTHERWISE 

UNUSUAL PLACE IN WHICH 

YOU EVER SAW A MOVIE
Ummm. Does watching CAPTAIN E.O. 3D 

(1986) at Disneyland count??

11) 

FAVORITE ALTMAN MOVIE
It's still MCCABE AND MRS. MILLER 

12) 

BEST ARGUMENT FOR 

ALLOWING ROCK STARS 

TO PARTICIPATE IN THE 

MAKING OF MOVIES
Tom Waits.

Behind the camera, Rob Zombie.

13) 

DESCRIBE A TRANSCENDENT 

MOMENT IN A FILM (A MOMENT 

WHEN YOU REALIZED A FILM THAT 

JUST SEEMED ROUTINE OR MERELY 

INTERESTING BEFORE HAD BECOME 

SOMETHING MUCH MORE)
In OLDBOY (2003) when he pops out of the box 

and realizes he's suddenly free & outside of the room. 

Knowing someone intentionally released him & he 

didn't just escape. I was edge of my seat intrigued 

from that point on.

14) GINA GERSHON 

     OR JENNIFER TILLY?
Jennifer Tilly.

15) 

FAVORITE FRANK CAPRA?
IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE 

16) THE SCENE YOU MOST WISH 

YOU COULD HAVE WITNESSED 

BEING FILMED

2 Kubrick scenes:
First the blood coming out of the 

elevator in THE SHINING (1980).

and second, the scene in FULL METAL JACKET ('87) 

where the marines shoot up the abandoned Huế city 

buildings in an attempt to draw out a sniper. To see all 

the squibs & pyrotechnics go off on that set..

17) ROBERT RYAN 

      OR RICHARD WIDMARK?
Widmark.

18) NAME A MOVIE 

THAT INSPIRED YOU TO 

WALK OUT BEFORE IT WAS 

FINISHED
This stupid movie last year called STEALTH.

19) 

FAVORITE POLITICAL MOVIE
Both versions of THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE.

20) YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE 

POSTER/ONE-SHEET, OR 

THE ONE YOU'D MOST LIKE 

TO OWN
theatrical poster for Bava's PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES 

21) JEFF BRIDGES 

     OR JEFF GOLDBLUM?

I truly love both of these men, but Bridges is 

the better actor.

22) 

FAVORITE KEN RUSSELL
The director's cut of THE DEVILS (1971)

23) ACCEPTING THE CONVENTIONAL 

WISDOM THAT 1970-1975 MARKED 

A GOLDEN AGE OF AMERICAN 

FILMMAKING IN WHICH ARTISTIC 

AMBITION AND POPULAR ACCEPTANCE 

WERE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE, 

WHAT FOR YOU WAS THIS GOLDEN 

AGE'S HIGH POINT? (COULD BE A MOVIE, 

A TREND, THE EMERGENCE OF A STAR, ETC)
Both Scorsese & Malick's big breakout films of '73.

24) GRACE KELLY 

      OR AVA GARDNER?
Ava..

25) WITH TOTAL DISREGARD FOR 

WHETHER IT WOULD EVER ACTUALLY 

BE CONSIDERED, EVEN IN THIS AGE 

OF MOVIE RECYCLING, WHAT FILM 

EXISTS THAT YOU FEEL MIGHT 

ACTUALLY WARRANT A SEQUEL, 

OR WOULD PRODUCE A SEQUEL 

YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN 

SEEING?
M. Night Shyamalan's UNBREAKABLE (2000). 

It seemed to have a whole larger mythology going on 

in the background. Could have easily expanded into 

a small cinematic universe or tv series.